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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26211289">Tear Stains</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyPeopleOfTheWorld/pseuds/sleep-i-ness'>sleep-i-ness (HeyPeopleOfTheWorld)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Death Eaters, Drug Use, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Recreational Drug Use, Underage Drinking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:42:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,520</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26211289</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyPeopleOfTheWorld/pseuds/sleep-i-ness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Y/N was dumped by James Potter and she doesn’t quite know why. At least she has her friends to keep her company, right? Hogwarts drama is bit messy this year.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Reader, Sirius Black/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Y/N sobbed, digging her nails into the palms of her hands as she shook. Ragged breathing escaped her lips as tears choked the air from her lungs, causing her to gasp painfully. A fire of shame and pain burned in her heart, but her fingers were numb with cold. She no longer had the strength to support herself, legs collapsing beneath her as she slid down the wall. Waves of tears rolled down on her face, burning her skin in their salty trails of anguish. The cold seeped through her robes as she curled into herself, hoping to melt into the ancient flagstones, hoping it would all just end. She cursed herself repeatedly. What a fool to be the next girl who actually believe the wanker. And now she was slumped against the wall of a dusty unused corridor, drowning in her pain, revelling in the way her heart seemed to physically rip apart within her. Part of her had expected this, wanted this maybe. Merlin, she was so fucked up. Of course, that’s why she’d gone for the guy who was sure to break her heart. She’d thought maybe it would last; she’d be the one to change him. How naïve.</p><p>Hurried footsteps echoed down the main corridor and she was momentarily startled out of wallowing in her self-pity; everyone should have been at dinner, that’s why she had ventured out in hopes of finding some secluded area where she could mope alone. She prayed that the person would continue on their path, but the footsteps increased in volume as they came running towards her and skidded to a stop in front of her hunched figure. Y/N glanced at the slightly ragged yet highly polished shoes in front of her.</p><p>“What do you want, Lupin?” she whispered tearfully, sniffling slightly. “Here to laugh at me for being so stupid and ignorant?”</p><p>“Of course not.”</p><p>Remus slipped down next to her, putting his arm around her shoulders as she leant into him. There was a sort of rawness to her crying like a deep wound had been reopened. Her sobs were stifled at first as she tried to kid herself that she was fine, everything was okay. She didn’t want show anyone how much she ached from within, but he was just so reassuring. His warm woollen sweater was soft beneath her damp cheek and he smelled like old books and a soft cologne. Y/N buried her face into his shoulder, grasping at the sweater, collapsing into her grief. She balled Remus’s shirt in her hands, grasping at it like he was her only anchor as she flailed, drowning in the pain. He rubbed small circles into her back, encouraging her to let it out. He didn’t know how long they sat like that until she stilled, turning her face up to him, eyes red-rimmed as she gave him a watery smile.</p><p>Giggles and whispered words reached her ears as James Potter and Florence Alward rounded the corner. Of all the self-absorbed, lying prats to turn up, it would be that arsehole. Burying her face further into Remus’ shoulder, she hoped they were too gone to even notice their presence. James stumbled over them huddled together on the floor, he reeked of Firewhisky. Seeing them together, his face curled into a drunken snarl and he laughed bitterly.</p><p>“Of course! What could I expect?” he slurred, tongue tripping over his words. “You’re trying to sleep with one of my best mates! You whore. Did you really think such a pitiful move would make me jealous? And make me come crawling back, begging for your forgiveness? You’re really taking the piss now, just because you’re a minger and can’t get another man.”</p><p>“Oh, fuck off James.” Y/N spat, fire curling beneath her tongue. Calling her a minger was low; of course, she could get a bloke if she wanted to! But she’d always been told she was unattractive by her mother as she hadn’t inherited the sharp features of her family and James knew she still felt sore from all those years of insults. It was a low blow for sure.</p><p>“No, no, I want to know what’s happening. Go on, spill the beans.” He goaded, laughing. His smirk had once been something she found incredibly attractive, an instant turn-on but now there was a cruel and mocking look in his eyes accompanying it, causing her heart to shrivel in her chest. “You went for the one you thought couldn’t get a girl, the one I’d be most hurt by? You’re so bloody petty.”</p><p>“I would’ve gone for Sirius if that had been my plan or even if I’d had a plan. But not everything in this fucking universe is about you, get your head out of your arse and stop being a twat. Maybe Remus is my friend, have you considered that? Or no, your mates can’t be friends with your ex now? That would be unseemly.” A hot sensation rose up into her chest as she stared into the slanted, flinty eyes that glared daggers at her. James Potter had deep brown eyes in the sun were warm like molten chocolate with caramel streaks yet now resembled hard earth, dry and unyielding.</p><p>“You’re so fucking unbelievable.” James scoffed, shaking his head, and turning away, slinging his arm over Florence’s shoulder. She couldn’t believe he had that much audacity, the hypocrite.</p><p>As soon as James turned the corner and was out of sight, she slumped into Remus’ arms, his fingers deftly massaging her shoulders. She felt so weak for crying, he didn’t deserve her tears, but she wept, her emotions flooding out in a torrent that poured from her eyes. His sweater grew damp where she lay and she apologised for ruining it, frantically trying to stop the tears but it just wouldn’t work. Tentatively, Remus wiped a droplet of her cheek and she smiled softly at him through eyes glimmering with tears. He marvelled at how her eyes seemed brighter than ever, crying was always an ugly expression but although her face contorted and grimaced as she sobbed, she was still beautiful. Not ugly at all.</p><p>“I fucking hate that moron,” she whispered through her tears, shaking her head frantically. “What’s his bloody issue?”</p><p>Remus grinned; she was getting some of her old spark back. He shrugged, wrapping an arm around her, and pulling her into his chest. James was a bit of a monster if he thought he’d been wronged and without sobriety to filter his words, he knew exactly where would cut the deepest. He rested his chin on top of her mane of unruly curls that shone dully under the candlelight, before wrinkling his nose as they tickled at his face.</p><p>“James just gets a bit like that, you should know,” Remus turned his cheek to rest it against her head, so his voice was muffled by her hair.</p><p>“Yeah,” Y/N sighed, leaning back into his embrace. “Guess I thought he’d never act like that towards me though.”</p><p>Loud footsteps interrupted them once again as they sat on the cold paving stones and Y/N sighed, thinking it was James again to berate her once more. Yet, to her surprise, one of Hogwarts’ infamous heartbreakers sauntered around the corner, cigarette dangling from his lips and a wide smile breaking across his features as he spotted them.</p><p>“I’ve been looking for you guys everywhere, James tipped me off about where you were.” He raised an eyebrow as he saw their close position and took a drag from his cigarette. “I expected something much more scandalous from what he was saying, I was quite eager to watch in all honesty. But a drunk James is always an unreliable source of knowledge. “</p><p>Y/N grinned as she remembered how the last time they got drunk as a group, James had somehow convinced them all that Professor McGonagall’s office had a secret entrance that needed mapping. Needless to say, that had turned out rather awfully, with the said teacher walking in on them while they were pressing every brick around the fireplace, having heard the racket. McGonagall promptly dished out a multitude of detentions to all of them which they were still forced to go to, and they had been Gryffindor’s least favourites for a while having lost them a hell of a lot of points.</p><p>"Hey Sirius,” Y/N extended a shaky hand to him so that he’d pull her up to standing but Sirius just plonked himself onto the floor, smirking as she gave him a weak glare. He passed over the cigarette to Y/N as she gestured at him and she breathed out a plume of smoke as the nicotine helped her relax.</p><p>“Hey Y/N, Remus, you guys really set him off on one. Guess he expected you to still be moping over him, not getting with one of his mates. He was so pissed off that Alward couldn’t even get him off and you know she’s known to be good at that.” Y/N shoved him, grimacing as she imagined the scene.</p><p>“Sure, that wasn’t just because he was drunk? He sometimes has a bit of an issue getting it up then,” Y/N laughed as Sirius pulled a face and pushed her back. He stubbed out the cigarette on the stone, watching as it left a scorch mark. “You deserved that, you tosser. “</p><p>"I don’t want to know about one of my best mate’s performance issues. Also, you can’t exactly call me a tosser, I have girls all over me, every day, wherever I go. It’s a bit of an issue really.”</p><p>“Oh, shut up, you wanker, she didn’t mean it literally. Plus, you forgot that I share a room with you.” Sirius turned to Remus, looking mock betrayed and shocked. “Don’t look at me like that, you’ve said plenty worse about me.”</p><p>“I thought we were chummy, and you go letting the cat out of the bag in front of a pretty lady,” Sirius waggled his eyebrows at Y/N, who burst into peals of laughter. </p><p>“I’ve got way more to tell as well. Let’s start with– “</p><p>“I don’t want to hear about either of your sexscapades. So, Sirius, if you don’t quite understand what I mean by that, I don’t want you telling me about what Remus has been getting up to in the bedroom, I’m scarred enough by what I’ve heard already.”</p><p>“But I haven’t even started,” Sirius whined, wrinkling his nose in protest.</p><p>“Yes, dumbass, I don’t want you to,” Y/N laughed as he pulled a theatrical expression of hurt which quickly turned into a mischievous grin as he tackled her over. Attacking her with his fingers, she dissolved into peals of laughter as he tickled her.</p><p>“No, Remus, help, please!”</p><p>“What’s that?” Remus cupped his ear. “You want me to help Sirius tickle you.” Breathless with laughter, Y/N didn’t have time to protest before he joined in.</p><p>“I hate you both,” she pouted after they had ceased, still panting from the exertion of trying to wriggle away.</p><p>“Aw,” Sirius wrapped her in a hug. “No, you don’t.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Breakfast was the same every day. Y/N would watch, unimpressed, as James Potter and his crew strutted into the Great Hall. Remus was speaking, the small smirk which always appeared as he was saying something utterly devilish graced his lips, and Sirius threw his head back, raucous laughter tumbling out of his open mouth. She missed hanging out with her friends but after the first night, they hadn’t bothered to reach out again and she was honestly too afraid of being rejected to approach them. Being in the same house as them was torture enough but losing them didn’t mean her social life was destroyed and her friends made sure to try and keep her distracted.</p>
<p>Even if she had tried to bother, the poisonous glares that James would send her as she came within a few feet of them were enough to deter her. They were such a tight group, almost like brothers, no one could come between them. Except she had, for a matter of hours before they discarded her as irrelevant. What she really wanted was to find out why James had dumped her, he never actually told her. To break her heart? Did he just decide that he didn’t like her like that anymore? Then why did he hate her so much? Y/N shook the thoughts away and re-joined the heated conversation in time to catch the worried glances Marlene and Lily sent to each other. </p>
<p>“Guys, I’m fine, trust me. What we arguing about now?” Y/N laughed, seeing Mary scowl at Marlene.</p>
<p>“Marlene thinks that if you put icing on a fucking muffin, it makes it a cupcake. Please, Y/N, tell her that’s utter codswallop,” Mary pleaded, close to tearing her hair out in frustration.</p>
<p>“They start with different batters, but the main difference is the icing, so I’m not sure who’s right?” Y/N replied, questioning herself even as she spoke. Did she really want to get involved in another of their stupid arguments about nothing?</p>
<p>“You’re all barmy,” Lily piped up, recoiling from the looks we gave her. “Jesus, if looks could kill…”</p>
<p>The morning post arrived and was it surprising that James got his massive weekly package? Not really, but Y/N wished she had a family that cared as much as his did. All she really had in life was her cousin - who was more like a brother. Ripping open the letter dropped in front of her by an unfamiliar tawny owl, she quickly scanned the sprawling handwriting before letting out a giggle.</p>
<p>“Any interesting news?” Marlene wiggled her eyebrows at her, clearly insinuating something that Y/N didn’t quite want to think about. “Something… scandalous?”</p>
<p>“As if,” Y/N shoved her lightly, feeling a light blush rising to her cheeks and rolling her eyes. “It’s Seb, he’s such a plonker. He’s telling me about his first day at work, thank Merlin he still has one after these escapades.”</p>
<p>Lily was the one who knew Sebastian, Y/N’s cousin the best as she had come over for Christmas at theirs one year. That also meant she had been witness to some of the stupid things Seb got himself into. </p>
<p>“What’s he done now?” Lily sighed theatrically, an amused smirk crossing her lips.</p>
<p>“He wore the pair of trousers we put itching powder in, knowing we had done so because he’s already bloody worn them. So, he turned up to work, his new boss waiting to greet him formerly, itching the shit out of himself. Apparently, one of his mates, Theodore, who scored him the job said he looked like a fucking monkey. I can’t believe people used to swoon over him at Hogwarts, he’s such an idiot, surely that took away from his ‘natural charm ‘. Scratch that, I can’t believe I’m even related to him; I’m not that stupid, am I?”</p>
<p>“Well…” Mary teased, a mischievous twinkle in her eye giving her away.</p>
<p>Their cheerful faces abruptly turned sour as a figure slung an arm round Y/N’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“Guess who it is,” a hand covered her eyes to stop her from peeking and she grinned.</p>
<p>“Hmmm… Merlin?” Y/N squealed, dissolving into giggles as she felt the disapproval radiating off the person behind her. “Hello Lucinda, to what do I deserve the honour of you, a proud Slytherin mixing with us measly Gryffindors?”</p>
<p>“I was wondering if you were coming tonight, you know that Rosier and his lot are having a motive.” Lucinda shifted uncomfortably under the stares from Y/N’s mates.</p>
<p>“Yeah, don’t really like them all that much but I’m in the mood to get pissed, come up to meet me?” Y/N shrugged nonchalantly, what was the worst that could happen? Lucinda nodded in agreement and glided back off to the Slytherin table, she was Quidditch captain and graceful and elegant both on the ground and in the air, something that had been drilled into her by her strict pureblood parents.</p>
<p>“You’re not really going, are you?” Mary looked scandalised, none of them liked Y/N’s Slytherin friends from her childhood. </p>
<p>“Might as well, it’s a bit better than getting bladdered by myself. I haven’t talked to that lot in ages as well and my parents are trying to drum into me how important relationships with other purebloods are.”</p>
<p>Lily, Marlene, and Mary looked at her in disgust; it was an understatement to say they simply didn’t like Lucinda and her mates. They loathed them with a passion because they were snobs and known blood-purists, but Y/N found that it was easier to be friends with both and keep the parents happy than to rebel. She wasn’t going to embrace Muggles with open arms like Sirius Black because she really didn’t want to face the fiery wrath of her parents.</p>
<p>They were cold and distant for the rest of breakfast before they had to split for lessons and Y/N felt guilty, she knew it was her fault for being such a coward. Sometimes she wondered how she was sorted into Gryffindor when she clearly had no courage.</p>
<p>Y/N’s next lesson was Arithmancy which she found utterly fascinating in comparison to the wooliness of Divination which she had dropped after the first lesson. Her unadulterated enthusiasm towards the subject had been diluted after the break-up as she was in a class with the Marauder and no close friends to protect her. So far, she had managed to survive by working with some Hufflepuff’s who lived up to their House’s reputation of being some of the kindest and sweetest people she had ever had the pleasure of meeting.</p>
<p>Entering the cool and airy classroom up on the seventh floor, Y/N subtly checked that she had her two-and-a-half-foot essay in her bag. She wasn’t going to be publicly humiliated by Professor Vector for leaving it in her dorm because Vector was a real stickler for punctuality. Katie Creevey waved at her from her desk and Y/N hurried over, warmly greeting her as she thanked Merlin that she wouldn’t have to be anywhere near Sirius, Remus, or James. She thought too soon because today really wasn’t her day. </p>
<p>Professor Vector swept in, long black cloak billowing behind her as she stared at them over her burgundy cat-eye glasses, eyes narrowing as she saw the class chatting quietly amongst themselves. Clapping her hands, the class’s heads whipped to the front and they leapt to their feet. She employed a strict regime of fear in her classroom in order to remain in perfect control. It was this quality that made her an excellent teacher and Arithmancer, her brain was wired to be completely logical and Y/N admired that. She understood the satisfaction felt when something slotted perfectly into place and everything became clear, which was why she had braved the infamous severity of Professor Vector and taken Arithmancy. </p>
<p>“Today, we will be looking further into the magical properties associated with numbers and composing a number chart which you will need to reference in order to complete the homework I will be setting tonight. That means,” she turned to face the board, causing a couple of students to resume their previous conversations, “that you will need to pay attention, Mr Potter.”</p>
<p>James jumped, slowly turning away from Sirius and Remus, who he had been deep in conversation with and gave Professor Vector a hopeful smile. Trying to pretend he was innocent. As if. She wasn’t swayed and gave him a sharp look which he was subdued by.</p>
<p>“As many of you seem to have trouble concentrating due to the current seating plan, it seems necessary to move you around in order to combat this. Mr Black, swap with,” Professor Vector paused, scanning the classroom and Y/N hoped and prayed that she wouldn’t have to swap with Sirius. That would make this whole class a nightmare. “Miss Creevey. And Mr Lupin swap with Mr Prewett.”</p>
<p>Y/N stiffened, hopefully imperceptibly, as Katie packed up her stuff, giving her a sympathetic glance and Sirius swept over, dumping his stuff onto the empty desk. His textbook, Numerology and Grammatica, knocked into Y/N’s ink pot and she sighed as ink droplets splattered onto her clean parchment that she had out to take notes on.</p>
<p>“Scourgify,” she muttered, flushing pink as people turned towards her. She bloody hated attention but somehow every time she was around a Marauder, she was the centre of it. It really wasn’t worth all the effort she had wanted to put in, they weren’t worth it.</p>
<p>Once class had resumed and Professor Vector had begun her lecture on Bridget Wenlock, the celebrated witch who had discovered the magical properties of the number seven, Sirius kept glancing at her, trying to make eye contact. Y/N hated these lessons with a passion as they were so dull and required enough concentration to write a profile on these witches and wizards but not enough to fully engage her attention and make it interesting.</p>
<p>“Psst.” Sirius nudged her with his elbow, and Y/N rolled her eyes. What was his bloody issue? He hadn’t bothered to recognise her existence in the past month, never mind actually say a single word to her, what made him think that she was so desperate to forgive him and come running back to the Marauders. She wasn’t just going to succumb to his wishes; she’d give him a taste of her own medicine.</p>
<p>“What?” Y/N stared at him coldly, Sirius’ smile disappearing as her expression didn’t flicker. </p>
<p>“Hi?” He suddenly seemed unsure of himself, his confidence rapidly seeping away.</p>
<p>“Oh, I thought you might need something important.” Y/N turned back to her parchment and quill, inwardly her heart twisted, already feeling guilty but she kept her physicality stoic. The minute she had seen Sirius’ eager grin slide of his face, replaced with something much more heart-wrenching, she had felt bad. Not just bad, awful. Sirius didn’t bother to try and talk to her again, but the morose expression left on his face distracted Y/N for the rest of the lecture. She kept replaying the kicked puppy look he had given her and just cringing inwardly at her actions. But seeing the stony looks Potter kept sending her way, she reassured herself that it had been the best course of action. Professor Vector spun around to survey the class, eyes narrowing in suspicion as she took in the array of expressions between Y/N, James Potter and Sirius Black. She smiled coldly, as if an idea had popped into her logical, conniving mind and glided over to her desk, her straight black hair flowing behind her.</p>
<p>“As we haven’t done partner work recently and you all seem to love talking with your classmates so much, I’m setting you a joint essay of 3 feet. It is not up to one person to do all the research and the other to write, I want to see both of your logical connections expressed in this piece of work. Now, to avoid this occurring, I will set your partners,” a shark-like grin spread across Professor Vector’s face as she saw her students’ features fall.</p>
<p>“We shall make our way across the classroom. Creevey, Katie and,” Y/N prayed that Katie was her partner, what if she ended up with one of the Marauders? She didn’t know how she’d survive. “Black, Sirius. Maldwyn, Anna and Abbot, Lukas. Potter, James and Meadowes, Lucy. Jonnel, Luanna and Blackshaw, Richard. Lupin, Remus and Y/L/N, Y/N.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus offered Y/N a weak grin from across the classroom, slightly intimidated by the scowl that settled across her features. She was fuming. Of all the people in this bloody class to be paired up with, it had to be a Marauder. At the end of the lesson, he came up to her, tatty second-hand bookbag slung over one shoulder. Awkwardly resting a hand on her desk, he coughed quietly.</p><p>“What do you want?” The tension between them was palpable, air so thick you could cut it with a knife. The guilt in Remus’ soft brown eyes made Y/N’s heart wrench, but she wasn’t in the wrong here.</p><p>“You know… how we’re partners for the project, do you want to meet at 7 after dinner in the library today?” He sheepishly scratched the back of his neck, forcing a grin.</p><p>She stared at him disbelievingly, was he not going to even bother trying to apologise? Surely, he knew what he had done. Surely. Y/N wanted to scream with frustration, she’d done nothing wrong on her part, yet he still thought he could waltz in and out of her life without a single word of apology. However, she didn’t want to fail due to pettiness, so she squashed her indignation and smiled benignly at him.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>:.</p><p>“You honestly have the worst luck,” Marlene laughed, linking her arm with Y/N’s, and nudging her shoulder. “I can’t believe you were forced to sit next to Sirius and then paired with Remus. I think Professor Vector has it out for you.”</p><p>“Don’t even, Marls,” Y/N groaned, throwing her head back as she rolled her eyes. “I cannot believe I have to actually face them; it would’ve been so much simpler to keep ignoring them until the whole problem went away.”</p><p>Marlene shrugged, clearly disagreeing, but they fell into a comfortable silence as they headed out to the Clock Tower Courtyard. It was usually pretty empty during lunch, free from the legions of first and second years that flooded the hallways after school. Y/N spotted their usual bench and sighed as she took in the gaggle of fifth year witches surrounding it. If Lily and Mary weren’t there, she simply had no clue where they’d be.</p><p>“Marls, Y/N!” Mary’s voice called out from one of the nooks in the wall, their heads whipping round in the direction of the source of the noise. “Behind the half wall.”</p><p>Y/N practically ran over, dragging Marlene along with her. In her eagerness to relieve herself of the weight of her satchel and its several thick books, she almost clobbered Lily over the head. </p><p>“Oi, watch it.” Lily swatted her leg and patted the cold paving stone next to her. “So, what’s your newest life problem? I could see Marlene was mocking you for it as you walked over.”</p><p>“Ugh don’t even get me started,” Y/N lay down, head resting on Lily’s legs as she coursed her fingers through her Y/H/C hair. She recounted the disastrous events of the Arithmancy lesson that morning, glancing up at Lily every once in a while. Lily’s amusement grew as she listened to Y/N exaggerate the tale, letting out small giggles. </p><p>“You really are unlucky,” Lily brushed Y/N’s hair away from her face. “But maybe it’s a good thing? You get to talk to them without James being an absolute twat.”</p><p>Y/N began to protest that no, she didn’t want to talk to them, and she had been perfectly fine without them in her life, but Lily pinched her nose to cut her off, which was surprisingly effective.</p><p>“You have not been perfectly fine, we’ve all noticed you moping at breakfast, don’t say you haven’t. Just listen to what they have to say? For our sake.” </p><p>Marlene nodded in agreement, widening her eyes earnestly as she quipped, “Maybe then you’ll get laid and stop being in such a bad mood. Come on, you have to admit it’s all partly because you haven’t got off in a while.”</p><p>“Marlene,” Mary chastised her. “She has a hand, you know.”</p><p>“Guys, guys, guys,” Y/N slapped them lightly. “Please stop talking about me wanking, what I do in my private time is up to me.”</p><p>The girls around her erupted into peals of laughter and Y/N mock-indignantly huffed before joining them. They truly did hold the oddest conversations, but she wouldn’t swap their friendship for the world. As their raucous giggles subsided, Y/N allowed her eyelids to flutter close as she lay on Lily.</p><p>“Professor Sprout has set me a 2-and-a-half-foot essay on Venomous Tentacula, we’ve only had one lesson on them, it’s ridiculous!” Marlene complained theatrically, pulling out a quill and parchment in order to start on the mountain of homework they’d already been set before lunch. Y/N thought that she should probably start her work but the Potions essay from Slughorn on Everlasting Elixirs was not something she was looking forward to doing. Especially as Advanced Potion Making had to be the dullest textbook they had.</p><p>“Alright,” Lily shoved Y/N off her lap. “I need to work now, so get off my lap. Also, Marls, you think that’s bad? Babbling has set us a whole scripture to translate out of Ancient Runes for tomorrow.”</p><p>“Yes, well it’s your fault for choosing it as a subject,” Mary wrinkled her nose as Lily stuck her tongue out at her.</p><p>Y/N had been watching the entire exchange from her position on the floor but rolled over and pushed herself up. Searching through her satchel, she cursed under her breath. Her textbook wasn’t in there. Meaning that she must have left it all the way in the dungeons because she had it in Potions. There was absolutely no way she was trekking all that way just for this stupid essay.</p><p>“Guys, do any of you have your Potions textbook on you? I left mine in the dungeons.”</p><p>Mary shook her head, “We dropped ours off in the Common Room when we had our study.”</p><p>“Fuck, I can’t be arsed to go all that way just for the essay. Might as well just leave it until later and just dictate it to my quill.”</p><p>“You know how Slughorn hates that, he’ll fail you if he figures that out,” Lily warned. “The Tower is really close, why don’t you just pop in and grab one of ours?”</p><p>“Fine, I’ll meet you back here.”</p><p>Y/N dusted off her robes, smoothing down the creases she’d left in them. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she dropped her parchment onto her battered satchel. The journey to the Tower wasn’t a long one, but it felt weird to walk round the empty halls when everyone else was at lunch. Something about it unsettled her; perhaps it was the fact that the only noise was her footsteps and if she stood still, it was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Hurrying on, she was soon greeted by the portrait of the Fat Lady.</p><p>“Password, love.” The Fat Lady beamed down at her, although she had hated Seb, Y/N had made sure to ensure that that was not the case for her. Being on good terms with the portraits was a pretty good way of not being snaked out for coming back past curfew or drunk.</p><p>“Victores sumus. Have a lovely day!” Y/N called out as the portrait swung open to reveal the hole in the wall, leading to the cosy common room. The common room was filled with fiery reds and vibrant yellows and the furniture was solely chosen for comfort, meaning that there were plenty of squashy armchairs and cushions as well as a great fireplace for a roaring fire in winter. The two staircases to the dormitories opened out on the left and Y/N rushed up to the sixth dorm that she shared with the girls.</p><p>Her eyes scanned the messy room, Marlene’s clothes strewn across every bed and Mary’s books everywhere you looked. Her stuff was not much neater, her trunk was over-spilling from how she had stuffed everything in so that none of the other girls picked up her stuff, believing it was theirs. Aha! Trust Marlene to leave her copy of the textbook on Y/N’s bed as it was closest to the door. Clasping it in one hand and using the other to steady herself against the bedpost, she nudged a bottle peeking out from under her bed back under.</p><p>On reaching the base of the staircase and the entrance to the main common room, Y/N overheard familiar voices and she stiffened slightly. Was that Remus and Sirius? To be fair, it wasn’t surprising she had bumped into them again. It was bound to happen, being in the same house and all sixth and seventh years rarely bothered to go to lunch for the entirety of the allocated time. Initially planning to just rush through and back to the courtyard, Y/N paused when she heard them mention her name. It wouldn’t cause too much harm if she just listened to what they had to say, would it? Of course, eavesdropping was a morally questionable act but, in this case, it could be argued that she had a good reason to.</p><p>“I think she hates us,” Sirius sighed. Y/N could picture the frown that came with this particular tone, usually whilst puzzling over a particularly difficult problem, and he would unconsciously rub the bridge of his nose.</p><p>“Well, is that really much of a surprise? We’ve been utter dicks to her, we completely ditched her and now we’re trying to talk to her like nothing happened,” Remus deadpanned.</p><p>“I know, I know. We acted awfully. But I thought that maybe she would at least let us try to apologise.”</p><p>Remus scoffed. “As if we deserve that. I completely understand where she’s coming from, but we all know the real reason why you’re so pissed off about it.”</p><p>“Shut it.” Sirius’ tone was verging on deadly, poison lacing each word.</p><p>An awkward silence settled between them and Remus said something imperceptible from where she sat. In order to try and catch part of the conversation, she leant forward, freezing as the floorboards creaked under her.</p><p>“Is someone there?” Sirius turned; eyes boring in her direction but he saw no one. “We should move, anyone could hear us.”</p><p>She heard the scuffling of chairs and then the door opening and closing. Leaving a couple of seconds to just check for any other noise that might indicate other people were there, Y/N crept out from the staircase and pushed the portrait aside to retrace her path back to the courtyard.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was difficult to concentrate for the rest of the day; Y/N’s mind kept puzzling over Remus’ words to Sirius earlier. What had he meant by saying that they all knew the real reason why Sirius was so pissed off about her refusal to talk to them? If they had made the effort to reach out, to check that she was holding up alright after the very first night, they wouldn’t be in this position in the first place.  She had always promised herself that her studies would always come first over any troubles in her life, but she was finding it hard to stick to.</p>
<p>By the time she’d returned to the courtyard, there’d barely been enough time to write the essay title, never mind complete it. Mary had begun to question what took her so long and Y/N blurted out some excuse about not quite being able to find it due to their room being an absolute tip. A look was given at Marlene as she said that, who huffed before grinning sheepishly. However, this meant Y/N had ended up here, in the library instead of at dinner because she needed to get this essay out of the way before meeting with Lupin and then the Slytherins.</p>
<p>The piles of books on her left were mounting up as she tore through them, looking for extra details on Everlasting Elixirs to bring her essay up to the parchment length. By the way it was going, Y/N feared she’d be stuck here all night. There was absolutely nothing anywhere. And by anywhere she meant anywhere. It was fucking useless and she was so close to just giving up and handing it in short. She could always just suck up to Slughorn a bit more, maybe actually turn up to his Slug Club meetings, which Lily had been begging her to go to. He’d be pretty easy to sway into giving her a better grade. But she hated the idea of using her family to get her grades. She’d always promised herself that she would succeed on her own merit, rather than the legacy of her family.</p>
<p>Ugh. This was ridiculous. Y/N slumped onto the desk, head in hands as she stared at the page in front of her, seeing but not reading the words. The letters appeared to be squiggles rather than making any sense and Y/N rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hand.</p>
<p>A light touch on her shoulder made her jump, twisting in her chair to face them with a smile. The grin quickly dropped from her features as she took in who it was.</p>
<p>“Hi Remus.”</p>
<p>“Uh, hi Y/N. I know we were meant to be meeting at 7 but I was planning on getting some work done before and then I saw you were here and so I thought I should just come over and sit with you and see if you wanted to get the project done and out of the way first,” Remus rambled, one hand clutching the worn strap of his brown bookbag, the other rubbing the back of his neck. She’d forgotten how endearing his little mannerisms were; the way he’d pull at the edge of his jumper until it frayed when he was nervous and how he’d chew at his lip when he was thinking.</p>
<p>Pushing her stuff to one side, she kicked the chair out from under the table, nodding at the space she’d made for him. When he was still hovering nervously a few seconds later, she raised one eyebrow. “Sit.”</p>
<p>Remus dropped his book bag with a thud onto the table, eliciting a loud shush from Madam Pince, who glared at him sternly from over her glasses. He sighed, running his fingers through his already tousled hair.</p>
<p>“So, I brought my copy of Numerology and also Karuzos’ book. I thought we could maybe use the Chaldean method instead of the Agrippan method; Professor Vector seemed more impressed when I used it in my last essay, possibly because it’s not particularly well-known.” Y/N busied herself by pulling out said books from her shoddily stacked pile as well as parchment for notetaking. Remus seemed torn, glancing between her face and his books repeatedly. “Remus, if you want to say something, say it now. I’d rather like to get this done quickly.”</p>
<p>“Can we talk?” Remus grimaced; he sounded uncaring, even to his own ears. He just wanted them to be normal again.</p>
<p>“We’re talking now.”</p>
<p>“No, like properly. About us being utter pricks. And completely ignoring your existence because of James,” Remus pleaded with her, staring with his big brown puppy dog eyes. Y/N tore her eyes away from him reluctantly, biting down hard on the inside of her cheek.</p>
<p>“What? So, you can apologise, assuage your conscience, and then return to pretending I never existed? Don’t worry, I don’t actually care so let’s stop pretending you actually want to be friends and get on with this essay, so we never have to talk again. Sound good? Good.” Y/N slammed open Numerology and Grammatica, eyes scanning the page on the basics of Aljabr, the study of structure, relation, and quantity.</p>
<p>Beside her, Remus huffed. All he wanted to do was show how truly sorry he was.</p>
<p>“...What’s the essay actually on?” Y/N fiddled with the collar of her shirt as she spoke, refusing to meet his eyes.</p>
<p>“Give me a sec,” Remus pulled out a crumpled piece of parchment from the bottom of his bag. “We’re meant to be discussing Plato’s and Aristotle’s interpretations of the aether compared to that of medieval philosophers and therefore come to the conclusion on its effect in Arithmancy.”</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s utter bullshit. Although they had differing opinions in terms of density and its capabilities to change, the aether does not change based on the opinions of some philosophers. Otherwise, Arithmancy would not make sense,” Y/N felt her voice rising and heat creeping up the back of her neck as she got more flustered. “Sorry, I just find the concept of the aether really interesting.”</p>
<p>“No, no, continue,” Remus said, waving off her apology. “I personally disagree, but we can include that in our essay.”</p>
<p>“How can you disagree?” Y/N laughed, forgetting the animosity between them. “Are you saying that the aether is whatever we believe it to be?”</p>
<p>Y/N waved her hands in the air mockingly, her eyes twinkling as she jibed at him.</p>
<p>“Absolutely not, you’re right. That is ridiculous. But-” Remus held up a hand as Y/N moved to cut him off. “Surely their changing views led to changes in the way Arithmancy was calculated. In fact, you could argue that maybe even Wenlock’s discovery of the magical properties of the number seven is all due to the new views of medieval philosophers.”</p>
<p>Y/N pulled a face in disbelief.</p>
<p>“No. No way. Sorry, but the aether is literally represented by the number 1. How has it got anything to with 7 which is associated thought and consciousness?”</p>
<p>“Have you forgotten that the aether is meant to encapsulate everything, or absoluteness?”</p>
<p>Y/N was left speechless. That she didn’t have a comeback to. Pausing for a second, she stuck her tongue out at his triumphant expression.</p>
<p>"Stop looking so smug," she grumbled, jotting down the points they'd made. “I still don't believe that Wenlock's discovery had anything to do with changing philosophical ideas."</p>
<p>"Well, no. That was just to see how worked up I could get you."</p>
<p>Y/N spluttered in response, smacking Remus's arm gently.</p>
<p>"You prick." Y/N's words carried no real malice as she subconsciously leant more towards him. Whereas before she'd been on the edge of her seat in order to keep away from him, she was now practically brushing shoulders with him.</p>
<p>“You have to admit it would make a good point in the essay if we can back it up with some evidence,” he nudged her, eyes trained on her face.</p>
<p>“Can you imagine Vector’s reaction? She hates woolly speculation! Remember, she wants logical evaluations, not something you made up on the spot to annoy me.” Y/N chastised, still feeling the heat in her cheeks. Remus knew exactly what to say to wind her up.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah,” Remus trailed off, wondering if her more friendly demeanour meant he could broach the subject of a certain James Potter again. He decided to hedge his bets, pausing to formulate the sentence in his mind. “Y/N, please can we have a quick chat. Just, just hear me out.”</p>
<p>Remus saw her shoulders hunch slightly and he swore at himself in his head. He’d really gone and put his foot in it now. That was the problem with being too fucking eager. </p>
<p>“Fine.” Y/N felt the warmth of the beaming grin he fixed on her before she even turned to face him.  She quirked an eyebrow, “So?”</p>
<p>“I’m really sorry. We were utter twats, coming to comfort you and then blanking you the next day as if nothing happened. But it’s James, y’know. And he was adamant that we couldn’t have anything to do with you. Sirius was so torn; I swear I’ve never seen that boy look so distraught. Well. Yeah. Anyway, you know how he and James are like brothers. Bros before hoes and all that. And James already thought you and I were sleeping together behind his back, because of when he found us in the corridor.”</p>
<p>Y/N was unimpressed. Just like she’d expected, he was spouting a long list of excuses with no sign of actually changing his actions.</p>
<p>She interrupted him. “Why did he say you couldn’t talk to me?”</p>
<p>Remus looked very guilty at her question, pursing his lips. </p>
<p>“Well, um, firstly I just want to let you know that I don’t believe him, but, apparently, you’re a Pureblood bitch who couldn’t be trusted.”</p>
<p>Pre-empting her next question, he hurriedly added to his previous statement. “I have no idea why though.”</p>
<p>A Pureblood bitch. Merlin, she didn’t think it was possible to hate anyone as much as she hated James Potter in this moment. All the talks they’d had about her feeling like a family disappointment if she didn’t actually pretend to share their views. How he’d comforted her when her parents had written her furious letters, calling her a failure of a Pureblood and a disgrace to her family. When they’d threatened to disown her for still associating with her cousin, James had been the one to assure her that she’d always have the Marauders as her family. </p>
<p>Well, that clearly hadn’t worked out.</p>
<p>“Okay, don’t worry, it’s fine.” Y/N hated the way her voice squeaked slightly as she spoke, giving away the fact that it was nowhere near fine. There was no way she wanted to relive the night of her break-up though, so she turned and gave Remus a watery smile. “Let’s just get on with the essay.”</p>
<p>:.</p>
<p>"Lucinda!" Y/N squealed as she clambered out the portrait hole.</p>
<p>"You're late," Lucinda deadpanned, raising her eyebrows as she took Y/N in. "And what on earth are you wearing?"</p>
<p>Y/N glanced down at her outfit, which was, in her opinion, completely normal. Well, completely normal by Muggle standards. And some particularly fashionable wizards and witches. Celestina Warbeck herself had worn something similar on her last tour. </p>
<p>"Are you talking about the flared trousers or the fur coat? It's the latest fashion, Lucy. Keep up, will you?" Y/N hoped that Lucinda wouldn’t comment anything about it being Muggle clothing, especially as it was becoming quite popular in the Wizarding World.</p>
<p>"Neither, I'm talking about your rather non-existent top."</p>
<p>"It's a wrap top, don't be so frigid. You can hardly see anything! Plus, I have my coat to keep me warm and covered up." Y/N snuggled into her jacket to emphasise her point. Lucinda rolled her eyes but said no more, instead turning away to head off to wherever they were going.</p>
<p>"Where's this one being held?"</p>
<p>"Well, because we were busted last time we went outside the castle, Rosier decided that we might as well just have it in the Slytherin common room and hex any firstie that might try to sneak in. It's past curfew anyway so they shouldn't be up." </p>
<p>Lucinda spoke about hexing first-years as if it were a common occurrence, something normal, to which Y/N replied in surprise. "Isn't that a bit harsh?"</p>
<p>Lucinda looked at her strangely. "God, being a Gryffindor has changed you. No, it's just part of being a Slytherin."</p>
<p>By the time they'd arrived, the motive was already in full swing. As they entered, Y/N caught Rosier's eye and gave him a little wave. He strode over to them, taking Y/N's hand in his grasp and placing his cold lips against the back of it.</p>
<p>"I'll leave you two to catch up while I get us a drink," declared Lucinda, dark hair shining under the cool lighting. "What do you want, Y/N?"</p>
<p>"Oh, I'll have whatever. Something strong preferably," Y/N replied, eyes never leaving Rosier's. "How've you been, Evan?"</p>
<p>"Wonderful, wonderful." </p>
<p>He slung an arm round her shoulders, steering towards where the rest of his crew was sitting. Pulling her down next to him, he smirked at Avery, Mulciber and Snape.</p>
<p>"How are you holding up with the Gryffindors? It must be so boring being stuck with those prisses," Rosier smirked as Avery and Mulciber burst out into raucous laughter. It wasn't particularly funny, Y/N privately thought, but she'd never dare to say that out loud.</p>
<p>"Oh, well, as you said, it is quite boring. You seem to be living the life down here in Slytherin, wish the Sorting Hat had placed me here too." Y/N smiled politely, knowing exactly what to say to keep her in their good books. She'd been playing this game for years and, considering she hadn't lost while dating James Potter, she wasn't going to lose now.</p>
<p>“The Sorting Hat definitely made a mistake,” Mulciber added, nodding furiously.</p>
<p>"Ah well, we’ll just have to make sure you don’t forget about us,” Rosier laughed, pulling her closer towards him. “Anyway, you know how Slughorn is. He lives off the fact that we're known for throwing the best bashes. And so, he's happy to look the other way sometimes."</p>
<p>“I wish McGonagall were that chill. However, I’ve got you lot to keep me entertained. Don’t worry, you’re never getting rid of me.”</p>
<p>“Almost thought you’d become a blood traitor when you were dating Potter of all people. At least it wasn’t Black, you know what kind of person he is. At least his kid brother’s alright.”</p>
<p>Y/N stiffened at the mention of James and Sirius, grimacing slightly. “Yes, well we all make mistakes.”</p>
<p>“Hang on, I thought Potter had a thing for Evans.” Severus interrupted, a sort of furtive eagerness in his eyes. </p>
<p>He what? Maybe that’s why James had broken up with her. And so, he had lied to Sirius and Remus about the real reasons behind the break-up. But crushing on her best friend while dating her was low. Y/N never thought that James would do something like that, however, considering the past few weeks, nothing seemed too low for James. The words Pureblood bitch still rang in her ears and she scowled.</p>
<p>"There you are!" Lucinda fought her way across to the sofa, all the while holding two very full glasses of Firewhisky. "I couldn't find you anywhere."</p>
<p>Her smile wavered slightly as she took in Y/N and Rosier’s close proximity, eyes narrowing. Meanwhile, Snape regarded Lucinda coolly, reclining nonchalantly on the edge, all eagerness from before having disappeared.</p>
<p>"Thanks, Lucy." Y/N stood up, brushing the creases from her trousers, and grabbing her glass from Lucinda. "It was nice to catch up with you, Evan."</p>
<p>"Yes," he murmured in reply. "We should continue our conversation later."</p>
<p>Y/N offered him a tight-lipped grin on response, before chugging down her whole glass. She coughed as she felt it burn the back of her throat and pulled a disgusted face as she swallowed. The warm sensation was filling her chest and she grabbed Lucinda's wrist, pulling her into the dancing crowd.</p>
<p>A few songs later Y/N emerged from the crowd a great deal more dishevelled than before. Rosier immediately swept her away to a corner, brushing off his goonies as he went.</p>
<p>"How about you and I go for a smoke outside the Entrance Hall?" </p>
<p>Y/N sighed, noticing his shaking hands. “Evan. You promised me you’d stop. Or at least try to.”</p>
<p>“I did!” Rosier protested, throwing his hands up in the air. “I haven’t had a fag in ages, I swear. Please, just one.”</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah, sure. I could do with some fresh air," Y/N muttered, her head spinning as she stood up. Her knees buckled and she frowned; she hadn’t had that much to drink.<br/>“You alright, Y/N?” </p>
<p>As Y/N’s vision swam, she saw Rosier peering at her. “Yeah, I think we should head out though. ‘M feeling a bit claustrophobic.”</p>
<p>“Alright, tell me if you feel sick though.”</p>
<p>Y/N trudged towards the common room entrance, barely able to keep her feet moving, with Rosier hovering anxiously beside her. Her toes skimmed the edge of the rug and she felt herself falling forwards, until a pair of broad arms caught her round the waist. </p>
<p>"Come on, love, keep those legs moving," Rosier hauled her upright, leaving an arm round her waist to keep her supported. "Just gotta head up these stairs, okay?"</p>
<p>Worry seeped into his features as he helped her out of the common room. Snape hurried out after them, a similar expression mirrored on his face. Lily would kill him if anything happened to her friend.</p>
<p>"What happened to her?" Snape hissed, glancing around surreptitiously. </p>
<p>"I think she's either had too much to drink, or she's been spiked. She was fine earlier but suddenly she got really dizzy. Can you help me get her outside? I think the fresh air will help." Rosier caught Y/N as her feet stumbled over the uneven flagstones.</p>
<p>"'M fine," Y/N protested loudly, words slurred as her head lolled to the side.</p>
<p>"Shhh. You're clearly not, but we're going to take you outside and make sure you're okay in case you throw up."</p>
<p>"Why're you helping me?" Y/N mumbled, eyes half-shut. Rosier and Snape helped her sit down against the castle walls as her legs threatened to give beneath her.</p>
<p>"Sure, you might be a Gryffindor but you're still one of us. It's not even like you act like them, so of course we're going to make sure you're safe. Purebloods stick together, yeah?" Rosier brushed back her hair from her face, gathering all the tendrils into a ponytail and tying them up with a flick of his wand. </p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>Might as well accept her heritage if even James Potter couldn’t see past the facade. Pureblood bitch. Fine. She was okay with that. Especially if it meant she had friends that actually looked after her like Evan, Severus, and Lucinda.</p>
<p>Snape kept startling at the sound of any noise nearby, head snapping towards the Forbidden Forest as he heard footsteps. “Shit, someone’s coming.”</p>
<p>“Quick, use the Invisibility Charm,” Rosier whispered, crouching down against the wall as if it would make him less visible.</p>
<p>Snape raised his wand but felt a hand clasping his wrist as he made to cast the charm.</p>
<p>“Don’t,” Y/N shook her head determinedly. “We’re all a bit drunk and doing magic is never a great idea. Remember what happened to Patricia Rakepick. We’ll just deal with the consequences, okay? I’ll just say it’s my fault.”</p>
<p>“No. We’re sticking together in this. What’s the point of me saying Purebloods stick together if I then make you take the blame?” </p>
<p>Y/N opened her mouth to argue with Rosier, who quickly clasped his hand over her mouth as they saw a group approaching the entrance.</p>
<p>“Now who do we have here?” James Potter’s voice rang out as he strutted over to them.<br/>Lumos. A glowing blue light appeared at the end of his wand which he directed towards their huddle on the floor.</p>
<p>“Y/N?” Sirius’ mouth dropped open.</p>
<p>“Of course. Rosier, Snape and Y/L/N. Nice to see you’ve gone running back to your snotty blood-purist friends.” James smirked cruelly as he waited for her to respond. When nothing came, his features twisted into an expression of confusion. “What have you done to her?”</p>
<p>“None of your fucking business, Potter. You broke up with her, remember?” Rosier sneered, shielding Y/N from their curious and almost worried faces.</p>
<p>“Get away from her,” James seethed, the tension mounting between them as they stared each other down. </p>
<p>A sudden groan interrupted them. “I’m going to throw up.”</p>
<p>“Fuck.” Rosier cursed as four heads swivelled towards Y/N. “Severus, make sure to keep her hair back. I’ll deal with these pesky Gryffindors.”</p>
<p>“He said to get away from her.” Sirius growled; wand raised. “Snivellus, if you even lay one fucking finger on her, I swear I will send you to the Hospital Wing for a month.”</p>
<p>Snape hovered above her, fingers millimetres away from touching her skin. Y/N retched and in that split-second, Snape decided. Rubbing her back gently, he knelt down beside her, brushing her hair away from her face.</p>
<p>“That’s it!” Sirius tried to storm towards her, but his path was blocked by Rosier, who slid in front of him.</p>
<p>“Step away, Black.” Rosier warned, a dangerous edge to his voice. </p>
<p>“Or what.”</p>
<p>“I’ll hex you into tomorrow.” Rosier drew his wand from his robes, stepping into a duelling stance.</p>
<p>“You’re full of big threats and not much action. I don’t believe him. Do you, boys?” Sirius glanced back at James, Remus and Peter who shook their heads in response. </p>
<p>Y/N groaned again, leaning her head against the cool stone walls. “Oh, just fuck off, Black. Stop acting like you care.”</p>
<p>His face dropped, paling at Y/N’s words. Turning away, he walked up the stairs and into the castle. Remus pulled a face before quickly hurrying after the rest of the group. </p>
<p>Y/N sighed. Their talk clearly had meant nothing. </p>
<p>“Fucking Gryffindors.” Snape muttered. “You feeling better?”</p>
<p>Y/N hadn’t noticed the wetness that had gathered in her eyes until she blinked, and a single tear rolled down her cheek.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Y/N rolled over with a groan; eyes determinedly closed as the lights in the room were turned on. Her head was thrumming in time with the beat of her heart and she could taste stale alcohol on her tongue.</p>
<p>“Up you get,” Snape harshly poked her with the end of his wand. God what time was it? She felt like death.</p>
<p>“Severus, you are such a prick,” Y/N grumbled, using her hand to cast a shadow over her eyes.</p>
<p>Snape raised an eyebrow at her as she still lay sprawled on the bed, hair scruffy and mascara streaked down her cheeks. Whose bed was it? Y/N couldn’t even remember going to bed, but she was still in her clothes from the night before; that was a good sign that she hadn’t done anything too regretful. Her question was answered when Rosier buried his head in her shoulder, refusing to let the light seep onto his bleary eyes.</p>
<p>“I let you sleep in as much as you can. Breakfast is in 10 minutes.” Severus had barely finished speaking when Y/N jumped up rather haphazardly, an expression of pure worry on her face.</p>
<p>“10 minutes? Oh fuck,” Y/N’s head was spinning, and her vision started to go black as she grabbed onto the bed support to hold herself up. “I told my friends I’d come back last night; they are going to murder me.”</p>
<p>“Just say you had an unsavoury run-in with some other Gryffindors, and you didn’t want to risk going back alone in the corridors.” Rosier’s voice was low and husky as he propped himself up on one arm, glancing up at her through half-closed eyes.</p>
<p>“I need to get dressed. Fuck, I can’t go like this.” Y/N rubbed her forehead, god she was way too tired for this, and gestured at her decidedly-not uniform and the mascara around her eyes.</p>
<p>Wilkes, who she hadn’t even noticed until then, spoke up. “You can borrow a set of uniform; we just don’t have the right tie.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, not yours, Wilkes. Here take mine,” Rosier snapped possessively, pulling out a set of perfectly folded uniform from his trunk. Of course, he was the kind of person to store his clothes as sets of how he’d wear them.</p>
<p>“McGonagall will so give me a detention if I’m not wearing a tie. Oh, fuck it.” Y/N deftly caught the clothes Rosier threw at her and pushed her way into the bathroom, muttering a quick <em>Scourgify</em>. She did not want to see the dishevelled mess she surely was.</p>
<p>The shirt barely did up and the sleeves on the jumper were a tad too long, but she could always roll them up. The robes were the real problem. Anyone who saw her could tell that she was not wearing her own clothing and that was not something she wanted to be broadcasting to the entire school.</p>
<p>Rosier was tall and lanky, so his robes dragged on the floor as Y/N walked, holding up the front in order not to trip. Snape stifled a laugh as she trudged out of the bathroom, an incredibly disgruntled expression on her face.</p>
<p>“I look ridiculous.”</p>
<p>“Why don’t you just pin it? Use <em>Acus Iniuingo</em>.” Snape knew so many random spells; it was a running joke that he had a spell for anything and everything.</p>
<p>Y/N frowned. “Would you mind doing it? I’d rather not fuck up a pair of Rosier’s robes by attempting a spell I’ve never used before.”</p>
<p>Snape nodded, rolling his eyes teasingly, and Y/N stuck her tongue out at him in retaliation. With a quick flick of his wand, the robe folded itself up to ankle level, hanging evenly off her.</p>
<p>“Thanks, Sev.”</p>
<p>:.</p>
<p>“Where the hell were you?” Marlene hissed as Y/N slipped into the seat next to her, glancing nervously towards the teachers table.</p>
<p>“I decided to stay the night there. It was safer than trying to get back to the common room, with all the magical staircases and everything, while completely pissed.” Y/N was nonchalant as she helped herself to a fried egg and two rashers of bacon, which only added to their mounting anger.</p>
<p>“And you didn’t think that we’d be worried sick?” The tip of Lily’s nose was flushed pink, her fiery red hair even more vibrant against her pale features.</p>
<p>“I thought that maybe you’d realise that it was safer for me to stay the night there. I genuinely don’t think I would’ve been capable to get back to our dormitory.” Y/N laughed awkwardly, hoping to diffuse the growing tension at the table.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but when Potter and Black were sending up objects to bang on our dorm door at Merlin-knows-what time, telling us that they’d last seen you throwing up outside the castle with Sev and Rosier of all people and that you could barely stand on your own, of course we were going to be worried,” Marlene sounded exasperated, and she wasn’t one to frustrate easily.</p>
<p>“They what?” There was a dangerous edge to Y/N’s tone as she glanced down at the group mentioned, a grimace on her face.</p>
<p>“They were worried-” Mary looked fearful at the thought of Y/N marching over to the Marauders and giving them a piece of her mind.</p>
<p>“Bullshit. Their egos were wounded from when I told them to all fuck off last night.” Y/N interrupted; jaw clenched as she stabbed sharply at her bacon with her fork.</p>
<p>“You what?” Lily said, dumbfounded.</p>
<p>“Severus and Evan were helping me because I felt very claustrophobic and ill. Then <em>they</em> turned up, peacocking around as if they viewed me as something to fight over. They started arguing, telling Sev to keep away from, when all he was doing was trying to hold back my hair as I threw up.” Y/N rolled her eyes as she remembered how irked she’d felt by their actions. “And so Black wanted to have a duel with Evan. Ridiculous. I told them to fuck off and they did thankfully.”</p>
<p>“They were just trying to make sure you were okay.” Marlene tried to soothe Y/N’s aggravation, placing a placating hand on her arm.</p>
<p>“They seemed really worried.” Mary added, noting with concern how Y/N ripped her bacon with her knife.</p>
<p>“What a lovely sentiment,” Y/N’s tone dripped with sarcasm as she glowered at the eggs on her plate. “It would be lovely if they usually were that nice. They must’ve been hit over their head for their actions and motives to change so suddenly.”</p>
<p>She could feel eyes on her. Turning to have a surreptitious glance around the Great Hall, she caught Potter and Black quickly gazing back at their food. Great. Apparently, they found it impossible to stay out of her business.</p>
<p>“Well, did you have a nice time at least?” Mary attempted an apologetic smile, swapping a concerned look with Lily.</p>
<p>“Yeah, it was nice to see everyone again.” Y/N appreciated the change in topic; she didn’t want to discuss the Marauders any more than she had to. They already had taken up too many of her thoughts.</p>
<p>“You’re okay though, right?” Marlene pressed, eyeing the oversized jumper and lack of tie.</p>
<p>“Yeah, all good. Why?” Y/N shifted slightly under Marlene’s unwavering stare.</p>
<p>“You’re wearing someone else’s uniform.” Marlene deadpanned, raising one perfectly manicured eyebrow.</p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
<p>“Is it really that obvious?” Y/N groaned.</p>
<p>People already thought she’d shagged all the Marauders. She didn’t need them thinking the same of her and all the Slytherin guys.</p>
<p>“Yeah, kinda.” Marlene seemed sheepish as she admitted that, although it was in no way her fault.</p>
<p>“Ugh, people are going to think I’m such a slag.” Y/N pouted dramatically, eliciting a chuckle from Lily.</p>
<p>Finally, they seemed to be acting a bit normally. She understood that they’d been worried, but would they seriously trust the word of Potter or Black over her own common sense?</p>
<p>“Oh! That reminds me,” Y/N declared, raising a finger. “Sev told me a very interesting rumour that he’d heard.”</p>
<p>The girls crowded round, grinning mischievously. Nothing beats a good gossip. <em>Come on, just tell us</em>- Marlene pouted as Y/N paused for dramatic effect with a giggle.</p>
<p>“Apparently Potter had the hots for Lily here while we were dating.”</p>
<p>Lily looked outraged, flushing almost the same colour of her hair and Mary’s mouth dropped open, which wasn’t very flattering as she was in the midst of chewing. Only Marlene had managed to somewhat hide her surprise, only pulling a face in response.</p>
<p>“He <em>what</em>?” Lily enunciated, the tip of her nose turning pink again as her temper rose.</p>
<p>Marlene glanced at Potter, twirling a strand of hair round her finger as she spoke. “It’s rather not that surprising now you’ve mentioned it. It certainly explains why every time he kissed you, he’d subtly peek over at the rest of us.”</p>
<p>Now Y/N hadn’t known about that.</p>
<p>“Do you think he was just using me to make Lily feel jealous? Or to get close to her?” Y/N bit down on the inside of her cheek; that did wonders for her self-esteem. Being used like that. Ugh. James Potter was such a twat.</p>
<p>“No, no, absolutely not,” Mary reassured her from across the table, her plate forgotten.</p>
<p>Marlene placed a hand over hers, rubbing the top of it with her thumb soothingly. “Besides, any guy would be incredibly lucky to date you.”</p>
<p>“What an absolute tosser!” Lily spat. She was half-minded to storm over to him and give him a piece of her mind. But a placating hand on her shoulder reminded her that that probably wasn’t the best course of action.</p>
<p>“Maybe it’s just a rumour though?”</p>
<p>Mary questioned the plausibility of anything that came out of the school rumour mill; they all knew what kind of fantastical tales could be concocted. “I mean, did he ever give you a reason as to why he broke up with you?”</p>
<p>Y/N thought back to their break-up, shaking her head.</p>
<p>
  <em>“What did I do, James? Please tell me why you’ve been avoiding me, I have no clue what I’ve done wrong.” Y/N pleaded as she clasped onto Potter’s wrist. He yanked it out of her grip, turning away from her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I just don’t see us working out anymore.” There was an air of finality in the way he said it, like there was no bargaining or remedying of the situation. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Y/N felt her lungs shrivel as her heart willed itself to stop beating; it was as if he had reached into her chest and yanked out her vital organs. Every ragged breath she took as she choked back sobs felt like an elderly man drawing out his last. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Why?” That one single word held all of her emotions; it practically dripped with tears and James just shook his head and walked away.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His last sentence was something that she hadn’t been able to stop mulling over. “You know why.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She’d lost count of the hours of sleep she’d lost, replaying the look of revulsion towards her. The way his nose rankled as if she were nothing more than a bad smell to him. Merlin, he knew how to hurt her, and he did it well.</em>
</p>
<p>A cough broke her from her memories as Mary stared at her expectantly.</p>
<p>“No, nothing other than ‘I don’t see us working out anymore’,” Y/N mocked him, making air quotes with her fingers. “What a cliché.”</p>
<p>Y/N deliberated whether or not to tell them about what Remus had told her. How James, no, Potter had called her a <em>Pureblood bitch</em>. However, Lily looked as if she were about to snap as she sat in her seat sending poisonous glares towards the Marauders.</p>
<p>“Surely there’s got to be more to it than that,” Marlene asserted, and Mary nodded in agreement. “Is there anything you’re not telling us?”</p>
<p>Y/N didn’t want to lie to them. She’d been okay with saying a half-truth, but an outright lie wasn’t something she wanted to say, especially when she knew that the truth would come out.</p>
<p>“Well, I was talking with Remus and I asked him why he’d been ignoring me. And he said that Potter had called me a Pureblood bitch who couldn’t be trusted and hadn’t bothered elaborating?” Y/N ended with a question, although it wasn’t really one, she just wasn’t quite sure why she was telling them.</p>
<p>“Oh, that is it.” Lily made to stand up, but Mary was quicker, slinging an arm round her shoulder to keep her down.</p>
<p>Mary hissed. “Do not.”</p>
<p>Y/N had a quick look at their end of the table and made eye contact with Remus who mouthed a <em>Sorry</em> at her. She wasn’t quite sure how that was supposed to make up for the scene they’d made last night, but at least he hadn’t gone back to ignoring her.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, really,” that was directed at Marlene who’d wrapped her arms around Y/N’s midriff. “He’s a prick but I’m not going to let him get to me because that’s what he wants.”</p>
<p>“Hear, hear,” Mary raised her glass full of pumpkin juice and Y/N grinned. This is what a good friendship was, not whatever she’d had with the Marauders. Which is why it was the right decision to cut them off… Right?</p>
<p>A loud noise at the professor’s table made them all jump and a hall full of heads snapped towards the front. McGonagall stood in front of the eagle-podium, looking very unimpressed as she surveyed the hall.</p>
<p>“Can all fifth-year and above Slytherins please remain behind after breakfast? And anyone else who would like to admit that they were in the Slytherin common room last night?”</p>
<p>Y/N made eye contact with Evan and Lucinda who grimaced in return. Oh, Merlin’s beard.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to stay,” Lily murmured, her eyes never leaving McGonagall’s intimidating figure.</p>
<p>Y/N sighed.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t be much of a Gryffindor if I didn’t stay to brave the fiery wrath of McGonagall. I can’t just let them get in trouble when I was there as well. And it’s probably my fault we got caught. If only I hadn’t gotten so fucked…” Y/N trailed off.</p>
<p>No. No way. No fucking way they would’ve.</p>
<p>Y/N glanced down at Potter and Black who were sporting matching smug smirks and she felt her blood boil. What a low move. Dickheads.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the students filed out, whispering amongst themselves as they glanced over their shoulders at the remaining group. Y/N was alone at the Gryffindor table. Unsurprising.</p>
<p>Her shoulders hunched as she heard the whispers, biting down on hard on her lip, the tangy taste of blood filled her mouth.</p>
<p><em>“Don’t know what she’s doing in Gryffindor,”</em> a Ravenclaw whispered to the girl next to her, who nodded vigorously in agreement.</p>
<p><em>“Clearly just a blood-supremacist like the rest of them.”</em> That, Y/N was pretty sure came from a Gryffindor. There was a reason she’d never truly be a Gryffindor, unlike Purebloods such as Black and Potter. She’d refused to shirk her familial ties and get on the bad side of people like her parents.</p>
<p>Arguably, Y/N had a good reason. Her parents had very traditional and somewhat… unusual forms of punishment that she’d learnt to avoid. But it still made her a coward. She didn’t know what the Sorting Hat had seen in her.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Pureblood bitch.”</em>
</p>
<p>Ouch.</p>
<p>Y/N visibly winced, that one hurt. Especially when, if she had to, she could probably guess who said it.</p>
<p>There were a few scattered Ravenclaws left at their table, and a couple Hufflepuffs, but, Merlin, Y/N had never felt more alone and ostracised from her house. The snide remarks were enough to remind her that she’d probably only been initially accepted because she’d been friends with the famed Marauders. Everyone in Gryffindor loved the Marauders.</p>
<p>Well, now nearly everyone.</p>
<p>Professor McGonagall cast her beady eyed gaze across the hall, disappointment etched into her pursed lips and dour expression. Y/N was frankly terrified of her Head of House, something Potter had found amusing while they were together. He’d taken it upon himself to inform Black who had promptly ribbed her about it – <em>What? You’re afraid of dear old Minnie? But she’s such a sweetheart.</em></p>
<p>She certainly did not look like a “sweetheart” now.</p>
<p>“I have gathered you all here today due to worrying reports I received about a gathering that took place last night in the Slytherin Common Room, during which there was alcohol and illegal substances present. May I remind you that the use of such substances on school property is strictly forbidden and, due to the severity, suspension and expulsion are on the table for all of you present.”</p>
<p>The Great Hall was silent. No one dared to say a word, or even breathe, for fear of bringing her fiery wrath upon themself.</p>
<p>“We have authority to search all bags and rooms, which was undertaken during breakfast. Mr Talpin, Mr Bovin and Miss Collar, if you would follow Professor Dumbledore to his office please. The rest of you, I am very disappointed in your actions. If anyone would like to admit to possession of illegal substances, now is the time to come forward.”</p>
<p>Y/N thanked Merlin profusely that she hadn’t been so stupid as to have drugs on her or taken any last night. Melvin Talpin was a seventh year Hufflepuff, known for being a stoner; Theodore Bovin, a sixth year Slytherin, whose parents were loyal followers of the Dark Lord; and Evangeline Collar, another sixth year Slytherin, who was known for being ditzy. They all looked like they’d seen a Dementor, faces drawn and pale as they followed Dumbledore out of the Hall. Y/N could only imagine how they were feeling. The panicky, fluttering sensation, like butterflies trapped in her chest, must be amplified a million times for them.</p>
<p>Y/N glanced at Evan who seemed suddenly deep in discussion with Avery and Wilkes, Mulciber hanging onto their every word. The low scraping noise of his chair against the wooden floor caused all heads to snap in his direction as he got to his feet.</p>
<p>“Yes, Mr Rosier?”</p>
<p>“Professor McGonagall, although we admit that we had a gathering last night, there was no alcohol or other illegal substances present. Those students that have been taken out may have had possession of them, but the rest of us would never willingly flaunt school rules in such a way.”</p>
<p>Oh, that was a bold move.</p>
<p>It assumed that everyone in the room would hold their tongue, which was a risky bet to place. And that no other contraband had been found that could be linked to last night. Y/N could see Lucius Malfoy giving Evan an appraising look and she grimaced. Lucius Malfoy was a nasty piece of work; her cousin had told her more than enough about him and he’d always been particularly leery when they’d been forced to converse.</p>
<p>“Indeed?” McGonagall raised an eyebrow, maintaining eye contact with Evan who stared her down. “Are you suggesting that myself and the rest of the faculty were lied to?”</p>
<p>“With all due respect, Professor, I wouldn’t put it past some of the people who dislike us to spread such a hurtful rumour with the cruel intent of getting us expelled, or at least in some form of serious punishment.” Evan was loquacious, ever the charmer. She just hoped that McGonagall would buy it, or at least not have enough evidence on the contrary.</p>
<p>“Does anyone have anything to say on the contrary?”</p>
<p>An uneasy silence settled across the awaiting students, so quiet that every exhale could be heard. An icy trickle of fear ran down Y/N’s spy as she shivered under the sharp watch of the teachers.</p>
<p>“Nothing?” McGonagall sighed, “This is not the first time that there have been gatherings of mostly Slytherin students past curfew. In fact, it was just a few weeks ago that your ban on social gatherings was lifted from the last such event. Clearly, your lesson has not been learnt and I am afraid that all here today are banned from all social events, including, but not limited to Hogsmeade trips, Quidditch matches and other trips off school grounds.”</p>
<p>Quidditch matches? This meant that Slytherin was out of the running for the Inter-House Quidditch Cup! Out of the corner of her eye, Y/N spotted the Slytherin Quidditch team was huddled together, angrily muttering about how unfair it was. Their entire team would have to consist of fourth year and below students, which was a sure loss for them. Other than Regulus Black, their seeker, the team was made up completely of fifth year and above students.</p>
<p>Professor McGonagall had an almost gleeful twinkle in her eye at her mention of Quidditch; was she really that desperate for Gryffindor to win?</p>
<p>No wonder Potter had decided to snitch. Gryffindor only had to beat Ravenclaw to win now. And considering Ravenclaw’s last match against Slytherin, it would be an easy victory. Y/N fervently hoped that they wouldn’t feel good about their win because it was morally reprehensible. Yet again, not a surprise though.</p>
<p>“Furthermore, I’m terribly disappointed to see a few recurring faces sitting before me. It seems a few of you are repeat offenders when it comes to being caught disobeying the curfew; those of you who have more than two detentions this year in relation to being out of your dormitories past the curfew will be in detention every Wednesday for the next month.”</p>
<p>Fuck. Y/N was sure she had been given a detention more than twice for this kind of thing. Yes, it was three times this year: once with Potter, who had assured her that no one went into that empty classroom; the second with the rest of the Marauders as well, they were found by Filch whilst attempting to set up a spell that would have caused everyone who walked through the doors of the Great Hall the next morning to have bright yellow hair; and a third time with Evan, Lucinda and Sev in the school grounds, during the gathering which had warranted the aforementioned ban.</p>
<p>“In case you were unsure whether you are one of those people, the list will be outside Mr Filch’s office, Room 234-00. I expect you all to attend otherwise you may find yourself in more severe punishment like suspension. Your parents have all been written to already.”</p>
<p>Oh, Merlin’s saggy left… Y/N slumped, head in hands. Her parents were already disappointed in her ‘liberalism’ as they liked to call it (Y/N preferred to refer to it as decent human emotion). This was just another excuse to ground her during the holidays, ensuring that any breaks would be spent around solely Purebloods trying to indoctrinate her into becoming a blood supremacist. It also meant that she would be under constant watch, so she couldn’t contact anyone with a bit of sense for fear of punishment.</p>
<p>Merlin, she envied Sebastian, her cousin, for having got out once he’d left Hogwarts; if it weren’t for him and Uncle Elza, she doubted she’d ever escape the Pureblood vice-like grip.</p>
<p>At least this time she was in trouble for doing something with Slytherins, or her ‘own kind’. Disgusting, right?</p>
<p>Once when she was around 11 or 12, during Christmas break in her first year, she’d naively questioned to her parents whether being Pureblood meant they were actually better than others who weren’t. Thankfully the Cruciatus Curse left no marks that needed to be covered.</p>
<p>Since then, she’d kept her lips sealed when around family and their friends. She’d learnt her lesson but was still forced to sit through their horrendous conversation, talking as if it were about vermin rather than real human people. Eradicating the Mudbloods. Culling the sullied. The Dark Lord’s great plan.</p>
<p>Y/N shook her head out of her unpleasant thoughts with a shudder. McGonagall was still talking.</p>
<p>“Although you may have been able to pull the wool of your Head of House’s eyes this time, I can assure you that you will not be so lucky as to even be able to think about holding another gathering again. Now, you are all already late to your next lesson, so I expect you to hurry there as fast as you can.”</p>
<p>Y/N felt her shoulders lift, feeling as if she’d had the weight of the world taken off them. Evan and Lucinda walked over to her, deep in conversation.</p>
<p>“Who do you think told?” Lucinda murmured, eyes flitting towards where McGonagall was overseeing everyone’s exit.</p>
<p>“My bet? James Potter and Sirius Black,” Evan spat, mouth twisting into an ugly expression.</p>
<p>Y/N nodded her agreement.</p>
<p>“Their egos were probably bruised from last night. I told them to fuck off,” she added for the benefit of Lucinda, who hadn’t been there.</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah, you never told me what happened after you disappeared. I see you didn’t make it back to your dorm,” Lucinda eyed the jumper Y/N was wearing, distastefully; her pretty face wrinkled in an ugly sneer.</p>
<p>“I swear it’s not what you think,” Y/N’s eyes were wide as she shifted in the clothes, feeling even more uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Evan grinned wickedly, slinging his arms round their shoulders. “What, you didn’t sleep in my bed?”</p>
<p>Lucinda’s eyes narrowed, her features slipping into a glower before settling back into their usual haughty expression.</p>
<p>Y/N laughed at Evan, “As if I’d sleep with you in any way more than just next to you. Basically, I was really drunk so I ended up just falling asleep back at Slytherin. Evan offered to let me borrow his clothes, so I wouldn’t be totally ripped apart for not following the uniform policy.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Lucinda smiled, more relieved than she should have been and Y/N frowned suspiciously. “You mentioned an interaction with Potter and Black?”</p>
<p>“Oh yes, Merlin, it was a nightmare,” Y/N rolled her eyes dramatically, grimacing as she recounted the events of the night before. It was feeling a bit repetitive, having to repeat herself to different groups of people, but it was ridiculous behaviour.</p>
<p>“Really?” Lucinda’s mouth dropped open. “They really are arrogant pricks.”</p>
<p>“Tell me about it,” Evan groaned, ruffling his hair with one hand.</p>
<p>Wilkes, Mulciber, Avery and Sev strolled over, although Avery was the only one who could really carry off the cocky walk.</p>
<p>“So-” Wilkes began.</p>
<p>McGonagall interrupted them, her quick footsteps loud on the slabs as she walked up behind them. “May I remind all the dawdlers that they do not want to be getting more detentions by being late to their next lesson.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, Professor.” Y/N offered McGonagall a sheepish smile before turning to the rest of the group. “See you in Potions.”</p>
<p>“See ya.”</p>
<p>“Bye.”</p>
<p>“Miss you already.” Evan accompanied that with extravagant air kisses and Y/N giggled, before spinning on her heel.</p>
<p>Y/N sprinted out of the Hall to her dormitories; she was already late to Potions and unlike the rest of her classmates who had had to stay behind, she now needed to run all the way to the Gryffindor Tower to collect her books and homework and then back down to the dungeons. At least Slughorn might be somewhat understanding of the situation.</p>
<p>She darted around the ambling sixth years, who were making it their mission to be in the way of absolutely everybody in the hall, and down the corridor to the Great Staircase. It was mostly deserted; the murmur of a class audible as she ran past door after door, feet pounding on the flagstones.</p>
<p>“Morning Lord Draben,” Y/N panted out at the ghost, who raised a regal hand in response. He was one of those who would be properly miffed if not greeted every time you saw him, and Y/N already had enough people who disliked her to start making enemies now.</p>
<p>As she rounded the corner, she collided straight into a hard chest, falling onto the floor with a thump.</p>
<p>Ouch.</p>
<p>The flagstones were cold, and her arse hurt from landing on it, she complained inwardly. Y/N reached up to grab the hand offered to her, before brushing it aside as she caught sight of his face.</p>
<p>Her lip curled. “Look where you’re going, Black.”</p>
<p>Pushing herself up onto her feet, a wave of dislike rolled over her. What a prick. She tilted her nose up, readjusted “her” robes and stalked off. Well, tried to.</p>
<p>Black’s fingers latched firmly around her wrist, pulling her back. “Wait, Y/N, are you okay?”</p>
<p>Y/N couldn’t keep the derisive laugh escaping from her lips. “Why would you care?”</p>
<p>Black looked as if he’d been slapped. Oh, grow up.</p>
<p>“Because, as little as you might believe it, I do care. I wanted to check that you were okay after last night.”</p>
<p>After last night? Gulping gargoyles, before she’d been tempted to hold her tongue and just give him the silent treatment. But that did it.</p>
<p>“Merlin’s beard, after last night?” She scoffed. “When you decided to try to start a fight with my friends? My friends who are people who actually care for me, may I add? They don’t just drop me when they feel like it and expect to come waltzing back into my life. And, oh, they’d never snitch on someone just because their fucking massive ego got hurt. Thanks for that by the way. Really appreciate you telling on us. Very mature of you.</p>
<p>And you know what, Black, I’m so very sick of you looking like a kicked puppy or getting all righteous when I finally say that I’m done with your bullshit. Like just get over yourself, you fucking deserve it and literally, all I want is you to leave me the fuck alone.</p>
<p>So, please, stop pretending you care. No one’s falling for it. You can soothe whatever conscience you have by knowing that I really don’t give a fuck anymore, just stay out of my life.”</p>
<p>With that, Y/N yanked her wrist out of Black’s grip and stormed off, shoes clomping against the stone floor. Leaving Sirius standing there, biting the inside of his cheek, Y/N’s bookbag hanging forlornly over his shoulder.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Y/N! Wait!”</p>
<p>Y/N stiffened as Sirius yelled after her. Was what she said not enough? Spinning on the ball of her left foot, she was already opening her mouth to give him a piece of her mind when she caught sight of his dishevelled appearance. Her thoughts stuttered to a halt as she choked on the words, eyes widening as he sprinted towards her. His sleek hair, which he apparently spent hours on in the morning was already mussed up, past the point of I-woke-up-like-this and a bit more like I-was-dragged-through-a-bush-backwards.</p>
<p>“Here.” Sirius passed over her bookbag, giving her a sheepish smile. Oh. Of course, he’d done something nice for her to try and make up for getting her in trouble. Typical. Remember, no more second chances. “I forgot to tell you I grabbed it for you while you were getting lectured with your friends. Also, just wanted to clear up your false information, um, we didn’t say anything about last night. Trust me,” he laughed drily, “if we wanted ‘revenge’ in some way, we wouldn’t go through the teachers. We’re not snitches, and you know that.”</p>
<p>His words carried a lacklustre bite, half-heartedly trying to seem indignant. Sirius’ usual cocky façade had slipped, his eyes conveying a raw vulnerability that he normally hid so well. This was the only time she’d ever seen him affected by something negative that someone had said. Did he really care that much about what she thought?</p>
<p>Y/N was speechless, flustered heat rising in her cheeks as her embarrassment grew, prickling the back of her neck. And to think she’d jumped straight to the conclusion because it was convenient and a good way of justifying her growing anger.</p>
<p>But, if they didn’t tell the teachers, who did? An envious peer? Or a teacher’s pet? It had seemed so obvious, especially due to their smug reactions.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” she returned the smile, guilt gnawing at her stomach and she swallowed harshly. “Would you like to walk to Potions together?”</p>
<p>The words sounded hollow even to her ears, laced with uncertainty. Sirius’ expression was unreadable, Y/N was unsure whether he was surprised or annoyed by her presumptuousness. The silence between them stretched to a breaking point, his dark eyes roaming over her features. Looking for a catch.</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>Y/N would have liked to say that the walk was easy, that they slipped back into their familiar routine. But she was still tentative around him, knowing that as soon as they walked through the classroom door, he would act like she didn’t exist again. That didn’t stop her from at least trying to break the stilted silence that lay between them. They would each open their mouths to start a conversation, before thinking better of it and leaving the other desperate for a respite from the insufferable awkwardness. She’d never seen Sirius so quiet. He usually had a witty reply or dirty comment for any situation which arose, however, it seemed his well of charm had finally run dry.</p>
<p>Y/N paused in front of the Potions classroom door, shifting from foot to foot. She wanted to say something, but nothing came to mind. <em>Nice to walk with you?</em> No, that was horrendous. Maybe she should just thank him again.</p>
<p>Sirius was reaching for the door when she coughed lightly, tapping him on the shoulder. He looked at her expectantly.</p>
<p>“Thanks again, I really appreciate you grabbing my stuff for me.”</p>
<p>He seemed taken aback, eyebrows shooting up. His face cracked into an easy grin, “Saying thanks twice? Wow, our relationship is really coming on in leaps and bounds, darling.”</p>
<p>Y/N pouted as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Pushing him off, she laughed at his sulky face. “Don’t push it, Black. I still haven’t forgiven you for acting like a complete prick.”</p>
<p>Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, grimacing apologetically. “Yeah, sorry about that. It was really shitty of us, but you need to talk to James. He’ll explain.”</p>
<p>Y/N scoffed at his awful attempt at an apology, beginning to retort as the heavy door creaked open. They both froze, like deer caught in headlights. The stout frame of Slughorn emerged from the dank depths of the classroom and he frowned at them.</p>
<p>He sighed. “Were you planning on joining my lesson anytime soon?”</p>
<p>They both murmured apologies, sharing conspiratorial looks. Y/N struggled to hold back a giggle as Sirius stuck out his tongue at Slughorn’s retreating back, quickly following him inside the classroom. She caught herself, feet stuttering slightly before she slipped into her seat next to Marlene, who raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Shut it,” Y/N muttered, shooting a sideways glance at Slughorn as she spoke. The professor was still facing away from the students, scrawling instruction onto the blackboard.</p>
<p>Marlene smirked. “I didn’t say anything.”</p>
<p>“But you were going to.”</p>
<p>“Well, clearly.” Marlene hissed surreptitiously as Slughorn turned round to glare in their direction. “You and Black, bantering? I thought you hated the guy.”</p>
<p>“I do! I do, but…” Y/N didn’t know how to phrase it. Why was it so difficult to keep walls up? It was just simpler to slip back into familiar banter with Sirius. She should have learnt that, in some cases, second chances weren’t deserved. He was an arsehole. Y/N knew that.</p>
<p>But something kept pulling her back.</p>
<p>“…Yes?” Marlene prompted dryly, grinning cockily at her. Y/N had seen a very similar grin on Sirius’ face only a few minutes ago and the similarity made her shiver.</p>
<p>“He brought my stuff down from the common room, so I had to be nice to him.” They both knew that wasn’t the full truth, or anywhere near it, but Marlene knew better than to press. She could probably read in the furrowed lines of Y/N’s face that Y/N probably had even less of an idea than Marlene.</p>
<p>:.</p>
<p>“Y/N, Lily, come quick!” Marlene’s voice was shaky as she interrupted their study in the common room, tendrils of blonde hair escaping her plait. Her fingers turned white as she gripped the edge of the portrait hole, legs trembling. “It’s Mary.”</p>
<p>Y/N glanced at Lily in horror, all kinds of scenarios flashing through her head. No one was oblivious to the growing tensions in the Wizarding World, and they had started to translate into Hogwarts. She just hoped that she was, yet again, jumping to conclusions. Without a single word, they sprang up, abandoning their Potions essays.</p>
<p>Stumbling out onto the grounds, Y/N barely withheld a shriek as a familiar red light flashed by the edge of the Black Lake. Above a pair of students floated a limp body, twitching helplessly. Y/N clapped a hand to her mouth to stifle the instinctive strangled yell that rose from her chest; she never thought that Dark Magic would be so openly used on school grounds.</p>
<p>A phantom cackle of laughter rang in her ears and she flinched. <em>“You are such a disappointment to the family.” “We will not tolerate another blood traitor.” </em></p>
<p>
  <em>“Crucio!”</em>
</p>
<p>One of the hardest things to learn in Defence Against the Dark Arts was that to cast an Unforgivable Curse, the caster must possess a deep desire to cause the victim pain and to take pleasure in their suffering.</p>
<p>A blinding white rage flashed red-hot, temporarily blinding Y/N from reasonable thought, and she stormed towards the pair. Her hand shook as she raised her wand high. Her veins buzzed with coursing adrenaline. Cold dread gripped her heart as she took in the scene.</p>
<p>She recognised the faces.</p>
<p>“Avery? Mulciber?” Her voice was barely audible as her words suppressed her vocal cords; tongue dry like sandpaper.</p>
<p>Two leering faces turned to face her, sporting matching grins of delight. “Come to join us? Finally, being a real Pureblood?”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Pureblood bitch.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You’ll never be part of this family, blood traitor.”</em>
</p>
<p>Y/N baulked, pressing the heel of her hand into her nose. Merlin, she was weak. Barely able to pull herself together to confront Avery and Mulciber. Haunted by the voices of her parents and… Potter. She dug her nails into her palms, the sharp pain shooting through her like a sudden bolt of clarity.</p>
<p>“Put her down.”</p>
<p>Mary’s body was held in a frozen contortion of pain, her face wrenched into a wretched expression. A wave of revulsion rolled over her and Y/N shivered, barely able to look at her.</p>
<p>This was her fault.</p>
<p>She knew what they were like. She’d heard them talk and laughed, albeit uncomfortably when needed. How could she have ever excused their actions. Maybe if she hadn’t been so complicit this would have never happened.</p>
<p>“Put her down or I swear to Merlin that I’ll hex you so hard you’ll never be able to have children.” She seethed; free hand clenched tight as she gritted out her words.</p>
<p>They let Mary drop with a thump, limbs flailing like a rag doll and Y/N shuddered. Her head lolled to one side, body limp on the rocky shore. Brown tendrils of hair caressed her pallid features, colour completely washed from her skin.</p>
<p>“Are you threatening us?” Avery hissed, stalking towards her. An amusing mental image of him as Gollum from Lord of the Rings, a Muggle book she’d managed to smuggle a copy of, popped into her head and her lips twitched. Y/N blinked it away. Her fear must be manifesting as hysteria.</p>
<p>“Blood traitor.” Mulciber snarled, cornering her from the other side. Y/N raised a trembling hand, willing her hand steady to cast an effective spell. “It’s just a Mudblood.”</p>
<p>“<em>Mary</em> is my friend. And she is a thousand times better than you could ever wish to be, you fucking blood supremacists.” Y/N spat; bitter resentment acrid in the back of her throat, like bile. It was taking all her resolve not to lash out and cause them harm, to get revenge on Mary’s behalf. She was too cowardly to antagonise them like that.</p>
<p>Avery tilted his head curiously, a sharp animalistic glint in his eyes as he licked his lips. A foul sneer crossed his face as he too raised his wand in response, and Y/N knew what was coming next. She closed her eyes slowly, sighing as she prepared herself mentally for the excruciating pain that was about to come.</p>
<p>“Mr Avery! Mr Mulciber! Come with me at once to the Headmaster’s office.” Y/N had never been so delighted to see her Head of House, body slumping with relief at the sight of the severe figure. Avery and Mulciber glared before marching away. Not even they would dare to defy the orders of a teacher. “And you, Miss Y/L/N, I will be seeing you in my office after you’ve helped Miss Macdonald to the Medical Wing.”</p>
<p>Oh Merlin. She hadn’t even done anything wrong this time.</p>
<p>:.</p>
<p>Y/N paused outside the heavy wooden door of McGonagall’s office, hand hovering tentatively as she contemplated knocking. Exhaustion had settled deep into her bones and she really couldn’t be bother; this day had been a train wreck.</p>
<p>She frapped gently on the door, knuckles barely making a sound against the thick oak. She almost hoped McGonagall wouldn’t hear so she could leave and pretend she came when she was out.</p>
<p>“Come in.” The severe voice startled her; Y/N hadn’t really expected a response.</p>
<p>Pushing open the heavy door, Y/N smiled cautiously at her Head of House, who looked up at her from her desk. The small room was warmed by a roaring fire, which crackled and popped as she slipped in. Her fingers brushed the edge of the door as it slammed shut behind her and Y/N flinched apologetically.</p>
<p>“Take a seat, Miss Y/L/N,” McGonagall gestured to one of the plush armchairs next to the fire and Y/N nodded quickly, perching on the edge of the seat. McGonagall left her waiting as she finished writing on a piece of parchment and Y/N let her eyes wander around the room.</p>
<p>She’d rarely been in here; often avoiding punishment with the Marauders as Potter would shoo her away under the Invisibility Cloak when a teacher arrived. When they were younger, they had all mostly fit under it but once most of the boys had grown over about 5’8”, it was a lucky day if more than two people could be squeezed under it.</p>
<p>When she had ended up in McGonagall’s office, under her stern stare, it had never been alone and there was something about getting into trouble as a group that was so much easier. Her leg bounced up and down as she tried to relieve her jittery nerves, hands picking at the skin round her nails.</p>
<p>“I have to admit, after your appearance in the Great Hall, I was surprised to see you about to duel two of the people that seemed to be your friends,” McGonagall’s musings served only to anger Y/N and she bit down on the inside of her cheek to hold back any potentially disrespectful remarks from coming out. No need to get herself further in trouble.</p>
<p>“With all due respect, Professor.” Whoops. Y/N froze, the phrase dripping with sarcasm had forced its way out of her mouth and now McGonagall was giving her a curiously amused glance. Huh. “I find it offensive that you’d assume that I would tolerate anyone using the Cruciatus Curse on my friends. Avery and Mulciber previously being my friends is unimportant.”</p>
<p>McGonagall smiled, the opposite reaction to what Y/N had expected to her impertinent comment. “I didn’t call you here to lecture you, do not worry. I wished to commend your bravery and award you 50 points. I saw your readiness to take the brunt of their attack to spare Miss Macdonald.”</p>
<p>Y/N gaped, rendered speechless by the praise. That was unexpected.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” She stuttered, a small smile twitching at her lips.</p>
<p>“I have no doubt that you will wish to see your friend in the Medical Wing as soon as possible, so I will not keep you long. But I need your statement as a witness to the attack, can you confirm for me what spell they used?” McGonagall’s tone was suddenly grave, pursing her lips as she spoke. A quill hovered over a blank piece of parchment on the desk as she waved her wand wordlessly.</p>
<p>“Yes, I did not hear them recite the incantation, but I am sure it was the Cruciatus Curse. I have seen it cast enough times to recognise the red flash it causes.” Y/N refrained from clapping a hand over her mouth as she realised what she’d admitted to. Her eyes widened as she scanned McGonagall for an adverse reaction, anything to suggest that she’d understood the implications of what Y/N had said.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” McGonagall’s quill continued to write freely, presumably recounting word for word what she had said. “Now, Y/L/N, I cannot pretend to be ignorant of the parenting style of the Pureblood families and so I will not report back on that part of your statement. However, if you ever require medical supplies to take home with you, Madame Pomfrey would be more than willing to supply.”</p>
<p>Y/N offered her a genuinely thankful smile. She understood that they were unable to do anything else; unlike in the Muggle world, the governmental system did not have rules surrounding concepts like child abuse or bad parenting. The only thing the school could offer was a break, even during some holidays, when she could elect to stay.</p>
<p>“Go, see Miss MacDonald.” McGonagall shooed her out of her office, something oddly akin to fondness in her eyes. Y/N had always thought her Head of House only just tolerated, if not outright disliked her. But the entire interaction had felt… warm, rather than the cool severity she usually associated with her.</p>
<p>“Heard you got Avery and Mulciber into trouble.” Evan was waiting for Y/N when she left McGonagall’s office, eyes glinting maliciously. He languidly pushed himself off the stone wall, matching her stride.</p>
<p>Y/N scoffed, unsure whether he was really being this ridiculous. “They were <em>torturing</em> my friend, Evan. Merlin. That’s what got them into trouble, not my interruption. They’re fucking psychopaths.”</p>
<p>Evan laughed menacingly, slinging an arm over her shoulder. Every hair stood on edge as she shivered under his touch. She almost felt trapped under his arm, as if he were physically trying to keep her in line. “It was a harmless prank and besides, it’s just a Mudblood. Under the Dark Lord, they’ll all be culled anyway.”</p>
<p>Y/N wrenched herself out of his grip, disgust digging in deep where he’d been touching her. It was the apathy in his voice, the total acceptance, that really affected her. How could he be so nonchalant? “The <em>Cruciatus Curse</em> is not a prank, you monster. How can you care so little about the torture of a person?”</p>
<p>She made to walk off, holding her head high as she blinked back unwanted tears. A firm hand snatched her wrist into its grasp, Evan’s, and he laughed again. His fingers dug into her skin, the blood seeping away from his clutch.</p>
<p>“Oh, relax, Y/N. They’re barely people anyway. Get off your ridiculous moral high horse and see the real world. By slumming with those Mudbloods, you’re running your good family name through the dirt. Now you wouldn’t want to be seen as a blood traitor like James Potter or your cousin, would you now? I’m sure your parents would be very displeased.”</p>
<p>In the past, such a veiled threat would have immediately put Y/N back in her place, where she’d nod meekly and allow them to talk about Muggles and Muggleborns as if they were animals. Not anymore. She was sick to the back teeth of their blood-purist tirades and tyrannical views, of the way she was trapped in a family of psychos (which was probably a result of all that inbreeding).</p>
<p>“You know what, Rosier,” Y/N’s eyes flamed as she stared him down. “I couldn’t give less of a fuck about what anyone like you thought. I am so done of falling quietly back in line because someone threatened to report back to my parents. Why should I care what those monsters think? And you, you disgust me.”</p>
<p>Y/N left Evan standing there, gobsmacked, a triumphant pride filling her chest. Oh, it felt so good to stand up for her views, to escape their sick ideologies, and to finally be free.</p>
<p>She just hoped Mary would be okay.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Fuck.” The word slipped her lips as Sirius flushed and strode away. “Oh Merlin’s saggy left testicle.”</p><p>A sick feeling filled her chest as she watched his back retreating into the distance. Y/N didn’t know why she felt so guilty, considering she hadn’t really done anything wrong. She scuffed the tip of her shoe against the flagstones, watching the black rubber smear across them. The usually highly polished brogues were scuffed, and she sighed; her mother would have a fit if she saw her now. James stood beside her, mouth opening as he tried to say something before awkwardly shutting it. He shrugged at her expectant expression.</p><p>Rubbing one arm, she decided to break the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between them. “I’m going to head back in to check on Mary.”</p><p>Y/N smiled wearily at James. He already looked happier, eyes sparkling with that vivid humour that she knew so well. The guilt had just rolled off like water off a duck’s back. She wished her emotions would fall away as easily; problems made miniscule with the luck of forgiveness.</p><p>He raised a hand goodbye, robes flaring out behind him as he strode off. As her eyes followed his path, he seemed to become aware of her gaze, turning back with that wicked smirk of his. She waved again, tucking hair behind her ear. As she heaved the doors to the Medical Wing open, Marlene’s head popped up from where she had been lying on the bed. The warmth of her smile filled Y/N as she grinned back, genuinely, for the first time that evening. Thank Merlin her friends had stuck with her through thick and thin.</p><p>“How is she?” Y/N whispered, fingers ghosting over Mary’s pallid face. Her eyelids fluttered, but she continued to lie deathly still. If she didn’t know better, Y/N would think she was looking at a corpse.</p><p>“She’s made a couple of noises and stirred a little. But nothing substantial.”</p><p>Y/N hummed in response, barely listening. By Godric, she felt so ill. Marlene didn’t ask, reading in her expression that it wasn’t the best time to pursue whatever had just happened with James. Y/N was grateful for it; she just didn’t have the emotional energy yet. Marlene allowed her to just rest her head on her shoulder while she caressed her head, fingers adeptly unpicking the knots. Y/N stared off; unseeing eyes focused on a point in the mid-distance as she mulled over whatever the fuck she was feeling. Shouldn’t she be happy that James apologised and seemed regretful for his actions?</p><p>The next morning seemed even bleaker; if that was possible. It was dark and dreary, the pale winter sun blotted out by heavy clouds. Y/N shivered. Somebody mentioned something about a chance of rain, but she was unaware of whom; she had barely moved from her seat. The hustle and bustle was drowned out by the pale figure lying on the bed. Oh Merlin. Every time she saw Mary, she was reminded that it was her fault she was in the Medical Wing in the first place. A thick woollen blanket fell over her shoulders and she murmured a thanks, squeezing tightly on the lifeless hand.</p><p>“How is she?” A low voice talked to Marlene, ignoring her, and that she’s thankful for. She doesn’t know if she can muster up the energy for a conversation. She doesn’t want to remind herself how hopeless the whole situation feels.</p><p>“Distraught. She blames herself,” Marlene’s words were quiet, meshing with the general hubbub of the room. For a room for the sick and injured, it feels much too loud, filled with loud voices and loving friends.</p><p>Someone pushed a warm cup of tea into her hands, rubbing a soothing pattern into her back, and she blows on the hot liquid almost mechanically. They knelt, tilting her face towards them, saying nothing, just reading her features. Remus. He pressed a kiss to her hairline, and she sighs, sipping from the mug. It’s too hot, burning the roof of her mouth and her tongue, but it distracted from the shame. The hot itchy shame crawling up the back of her neck the more people focus on her rather than Mary. She did this. She shouldn’t be pitied.</p><p>“Hey, hey, Y/N.” The voice is low and calm, and Sirius was the next to kneel beside her, eyes burningly worried. She wanted to crawl inside herself and curl into a ball, hide from it.</p><p>Y/N managed a smile, walking herself through the steps of turning up the corners of her lips. She doesn’t belong here, in this body, in this place. Her skin felt too tight, and she focused in on her breathing. Each breath seems more laborious than the last as she tried to reign in her emotions</p><p>He brushed the coarse pad of his thumb over her cheek, gently cupping it as her eyes well. The traitorous tears tumbled, and he pulled her close, the mug already gone. Every muscle collapsed; the wiry energy finally burnt up. The tears continued to fall, a never-ending stream and her body shook of its own accord.</p><p>“It’s my fault,” she whispered, words buried deep in his thick hair. He stiffened, sliding into the seat next to her.</p><p>“No. No, it’s not.” Sirius knows. That little she can convince herself because he knows what it’s like to have your family. But he would never have let this happen. He would have said something years ago. He had.</p><p>“I could have been braver, sooner. They wouldn’t have touched her. It’s my fault.”</p><p>It burned her, scorching from the inside as the self-pity stutters and sparks. She shouldn’t even allow herself that. But in his arms, warm and safe, it felt alright to be a little selfish and to pity what she became. She was just as bad as Avery and Mulciber because she sat back and watched them talk, never dreaming that words would become actions.</p><p>“It is not your fault.”</p><p>And the heavens opened, rain lashing against the window panes, thunder shaking the clouds. Y/N leant in closer, shivering. Sirius lifts his blanket over her, bundling her in yet another layer. She mumbled some sort of meaningless thanks, enjoying his arm around her.</p><p>Mary gasped, eyes opening as she shot up in bed. She hyperventilated; pupils blown with panic. Y/N’s hand darted out, clasping tightly onto hers and soothingly rubbing the back of it with her thumb.</p><p>“Where am I?” Mary’s voice was rough and shaky, punctuating the end of her sentence with a cough. The ensuing hacking fit rattled her frail frame, her entire body contorted with each forced exhalation. Y/N swallowed harshly, the lump in her throat growing ever bigger.</p><p>“You’re in the Medical Wing. I am so sorry for what happened, Mary.” Any previous thoughts had flown Y/N’s mind as soon as she saw that Mary had awoken, relief washing over her. “Madame Pomfrey?”</p><p>The nurse bustled over, pouring out a thick sludge-like potion into a glass. Yuck. Y/N wrinkled her nose at the revolting looking liquid, the putrid green colour was not appetising. “Drink up, dearie. Now, Miss Y/L/N, I am going to have to ask you and your friends to leave as Miss MacDonald needs to rest. I understand you have been beside her bed all night, but she is now out of the worst of it.”</p><p>Y/N was gently guided to her feet by Sirius, arm tucked tightly around her waist as she wobbled.  The room swam slightly, and she clutched onto his chest, blinking away the black spots. She didn’t want to leave her, but the weary but thankful smile Mary sent her way was enough to convince her that Mary wouldn’t die as soon as she left the room.</p><p>“Hey, sweetheart, do you want to talk?” Sirius stopped her before they reached the entrance to the Common Room, ducking into an alcove. A momentary flash of déjà vu caught her by surprise, soon to be forgotten. “Because I can see how guilty you feel. It is not your fault.”</p><p>Y/N’s eyes welled, again, and she sniffled, furiously blinking the tears back. Merlin, why couldn’t she just get a hold over herself. “It is. If only I had just told them all to fuck off sooner, then none of this would have ever happened. Why couldn’t I just have been a little braver? I’m a piss-poor excuse for a Gryffindor.”</p><p>Sirius tilted her head up, fingers gently grasping her chin. “No.” His voice was quiet as it echoed around the small space. “Godric, no. I cannot think of anyone else who would have been brave enough to take the Curse for a friend. Especially someone who’s experienced it before.”</p><p>As if pre-empting her next thoughts, he quickly added, “Even I would hesitate.”</p><p>Although his words somewhat alleviated the heavy weight hanging round her neck, Y/N still felt sick to the core. Scrunching her hands in his robe, she rested her head in the centre of his chest. She shook, stilling as he pulled her in close. The warm earthy tones of his cologne were mingled with a fainter, more acrid scent; of smoke, reminding her of cigarettes and watching the stars from the Astronomy Tower. He shifted to lean against the wall, arms keeping her close as her hands crept up round his neck.</p><p>“Thanks, Pads.”</p><p>Sirius stiffened ever so slightly under her touch. She hadn’t called him that in months, not since everything had gone tits-up after her breakup with James.</p><p>“Just promise me, love, that you’ll come talk to me if you need.”</p><p>“I promise.” The grin she fixed him wasn’t quite real, not meeting her eyes yet but it was an improvement.</p><p>“That’s not an empty promise now is it darling?”</p><p>She shook her head franticly, a proper smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Her eyes flickered involuntarily towards his lips and she shook her head, brushing the thoughts away. Now was not the time.</p><p>But if not now, when?</p><p>Y/N closed the remaining gap between them, bringing her body flush with his as she looked up into his eyes. How was it fair that one man had such gorgeous eyes? His breath fanned her lips, close enough to kiss if she just tilted her head.</p><p>“Are you sure, darling?” Behind the pet name is a heavily veiled insecurity and her heart twinges at it. She wished she could just give the little boy still desperate to win approval in him a hug and tell him how wonderful was.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>And he kissed her.</p>
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